To celebrate Australia Day, one gazillion rainforests have been slaughtered creating weighty tomes of “what it means to be Australian”. Bugger that.
As a Wattle-waving Aussie, I reckon you’re un-Australian if…
*You don’t use “yeah, nah” regularly in a sentence.
*You know the mysterious second verse of the Australian national anthem.
*You don’t return from a Bali holiday wearing a Bintang beer singlet and / or braided hair.
*You use the word “sheila”.
*You don’t know what Wattle is.
*You don’t know what “wanker” means.
*You don’t drown your meat pie in tomato sauce.
*You don’t eat meat pies.
*You prefer a Sauvignon Blanc with a melon and ripe gooseberry nose to a stubbie you’ve opened with your eye socket.
*You don’t know what a stubbie is.
*You don’t think Kylie is bunging on that pommie accent.
*You don’t know what “bunging on” means.
*You drink Foster’s beer.
*You call a “prawn” anything other than a “prawn”.
*You’ve never had a bindi stuck in your foot (not the Indian forehead decoration or Steve Irwin’s daughter).
*You like the song I Still Call Australia Home even with Peter Allen bunging on that crap American accent.
*You prefer to sit on the grass at the beach rather than the sand.
*You take a soccer ball to the beach.
*You call a soccer ball a “football”.
*You don’t think the lead singer of AC/DC is still “the new bloke”.
*You don’t return from overseas bitching about how everything is better / cheaper / tastier / bigger / less crowded / less smelly / less foreign than here at home.
*You don’t think Cold Chisel’s Khe Sanh should be the national anthem.
*You respond when some bogan chants “Aussie!, Aussie!, Aussie!…”.
*You don’t know what a “bogan” is.
Words and image ©Steve Williams 2015