random swill

Dear Hugh,

Ok, I get it… you’re an outrageously talented, actor, singer and dancer, Hollywood, Broadway and TV über-star.

The ugliest photo I could find (courtesy paulcush.com)

You are an incredibly devoted husband to Deborra-Lee and loving father to Oscar and Ava. A generous philanthropist, you support and raise awareness of numerous charities and community projects. You’ve been voted the “Sexiest Man Alive”.

Your mantelpiece is groaning under the weight of awards including an Emmy and two Tony awards, as well as Theatre World, Broadway Audience, New York International Independent Film & Video Festival, Australian Film Institute, Film Critics Circle of Australia, People’s Choice, Teen Choice and Scream awards and now a Golden Globe. You might be adding to the collection with an Oscar.

You’ve hosted the Oscars and Tony Awards to critical acclaim. You’ve played (in no particular order) characters as diverse as Wolverine, Jean Valjean, The Easter Bunny, Van Helsing, The Drover, Curly, Peter Allen and even a bloody penguin — and that’s just off the top of my head. You love footy, play the piano, guitar, violin and practice yoga. (UPDATE: as Geoff Thomson — another great cricket name — rightly says below, our Hugh can also “play cricket and face Warnie in the nets.”)

The perennial nice guy, your dazzling personality and laconic Australian humour shine through in every interview and appearance. Everyone loves you, there are no skeletons in your closet, you don’t try and run over paparazzi or throw phones at hotel staff.

I hope you realise just how much you make all us other Aussie blokes feel totally worthless and inadequate. Congratulations on the Golden Globe, you bastard.

Regards,

Steve Williams

©Steve Williams 2012

*To read this in another locale (with bonus amusing comments) Punch on at…

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/screw-you-hugh/