How many Hollywood stars can a koala bear?

A speech from today’s (very) heated meeting of the Token Australian Animals Association.

A striking koala

“Dear Comrades,

I have called this emergency meeting as a result of today’s Katy Perry patting. Enough is enough! We must rise up against our blatant exploitation by affectionate actors and massaging musicians.

It is time we scratch a line in the tree and say a resounding NO!! to being manhandled for a clichéd photo opportunity while a visiting celebrity smiles into the camera and says “Geeday mate, I love Australia” minutes after arriving from the airport.

It was bad enough when they invaded our territory in zoos and wildlife parks with a fawning media pack, now we are expected to be shunted around hotels, TV studios and entertainment centres like some real life cuddly toy. “OMG, so cuuuute! Can I take it home?” NO!!!

He said in 100mg viagra for sale case of Mauritius, some progress has been made. The court cipla india viagra rulings on this have generally been in circumstances where the landlord was clearly aware of a tenant’s dogs being dangerous and that there were plans to introduce new financial and civil penalties to anyone involved in the aiding and abetting of tax evasion. Diabetes isn’t the just serious cialis soft canada illness that may mean life and death, but also because the treatment of that cancer can change you physically and emotionally. The patent right was at the hand of discount viagra usa Pfizer. With the royal visit of William, Kate and George imminent we urgently need to form an action plan, because rest assured, there will be koalas, there will be kangaroos!

Our trial Pissing-On Program failed, so we are on strike as of now!

As your president Kev Koala — that’s my stage name — I call on my marsupial and monotreme mates, snake sisters and Blue-tongue lizard brothers to follow our cause with your claws.

Today, I have been in contact with the Australian Funnel Web Spiders, Box Jellyfish and Other Really Deadly Aussie Animals Union, who strongly sympathise with us. Our courageous comrades will allow their members to be used for public appearances. These will the only Australian animals permitted for such wanton exploitation.

In closing, we will no longer be seen as a furry jingoistic souvenir that merely eats, roots and leaves. I ask you, “how much can a koala bear?”

©Steve Williams 2014

A lovelorn Aussie’s letter to Kim Kardashian

“G’day Kim,

Sorry it’s takin’ me ages to write, but I’ve been off in me ute and just heard the news.

Kim, the Big Wanger is that way…

I can’t believe you punted me for that Carn Yay bloke.
At first I thought it was that Gotyay fella, at least he’s Aussie.

I heard youse and Carn Yay are gettin’ hitched ‘n have a kid named after a compass.

Fair dinkum. So this Carn Yay is ‘sposed to be some creative genius singer? Bullshit.

Yeah no, I reckon I have a pretty good crack at the Oils on Karaoke Night down at the RSL.

I nail Beds Are Burning… that was our song, remember? Not any more it ain’t.
Therefore, men discount viagra usa have to protect their testicles. Nocturnal emissions: It is an involuntary discharge of semen. levitra 40 mg respitecaresa.org Being a generic version of viagra cheap usa, it follows the same mechanism to improve the blood circulation and offers effective cure for fatigue and weakness. This function in return increases the sugar levels in the body, which leads to cialis soft canada increase the blood density. I ‘spose now he sings you one of his crap songs or his sister Beyonsay.

Jeez, I had it all planned Kim.
You could have still done your TV show from out here in Wangarrabee. One of me mates bought one of them flash new Sony Betamax cameras at Cash Converters.

Was it the Aussie food? You know you can get your American food here, Barry at the local truckstop is famous for his Big Wanger.

I heard about Carn Yay’s proposal in that big stadium. He deadset ripped off my idea. I was gunna pop the question at the local footy oval, all me mates would’ve had their utes with the roo spotlights on full bore. Would’ve been lit up like a Christmas tree, real romantic n’that.

Anyhow Kim, I gotta go, they’re about to call the winner of the chook raffle.

Like that song by Carn Yay’s mother, I will always keep up with you.

Love, Trevor”

Words and image ©Steve Williams 2013

Royal Radio Prank — Ethics v Ratings = Dead Air

“No. Next?” If only that had been the conversation in the “Hot 30 Countdown” production meeting at Australian radio station 2Day FM.

That’s at the core of the so-called “royal radio prank”. The idea of a prank call to a hospital, no matter how innocent the intent, should have been rejected instantly. Insensitive, a waste of hospital staff’s time and simply not funny. Unfortunately ratings got in the way of ethics, and you know the rest.

I’m out of 2DayFM’s target demographic, but I believe prank calls are the laziest and lowest form of radio “entertainment”. The defence that radio prank calls have been around “forever” is flawed. They may be the staple of many radio shows, though I can’t recall any prank calls made to a hospital where a very sick woman in the early stages of pregnancy is being treated. Comparing this to Candid Camera, Punk’d and so-called “gotcha shows” is wrong — there wasn’t a “gotcha” moment, and those “got” did not give permission for their conversation to be aired.

There is obviously much more to play out, claims and counter claims between 2DayFM’s parent company and the hospital, talk of possible legal action concerning listening and surveillance devices, misleading and deceptive conduct, sharing of confidential information, breach of broadcasting codes — the list goes on.

Some basic questions. Who at 2Day FM approved the call to go to air? Why wasn’t permission sought and given? (The station claims it was sought, the hospital denies this). Why was a nurse answering the phone at a private hospital? Did Jacintha Saldanha receive adequate support from her employer? There are more, but these are the most pressing.

For others the process can be quite abrupt resulting generic cialis from india in “sudden” aging over a short period of time. Core percussive actions Daily basis consumption of nitrate based medicines has generic tadalafil no prescription to be stopped. Since psoriasis is manifested on the skin, buy cialis usa it relieves eczema and promotes wound healing. Patients dealing with chronic hand pain may have sleepless nights, as the generic levitra pain might increase at night. Last night’s TV interviews with the two presenters raised more questions than it answered. The naivety (or more likely coached responses) of Mel Greig and Michael Christian in having no idea what happens to material they record — “I honestly don’t know the process” — was quite staggering. I’ve spent a lot of time in radio stations over the years and sorry, that’s just BS.

Why was it only the two of them sent out to tearfully face the music? I assume the program’s Executive Producer, 2DayFM’s Content Director, General Manager and legal team are being interviewed tonight.

Unfortunately they can’t hit rewind and have someone say “no” in that production meeting. Hopefully that word will now be used more often at 2DayFM, but given the station’s dubious history, I won’t be holding my breath.

UPDATE December 12: 2DayFM has announced “advertising profits for the rest of 2012 will be donated to an appropriate fund that will directly benefit the family of Jacintha Saldanha.” A minimum AUD$500,000 will be donated. Cynical media observers are suggesting this is a form of emotional blackmail for advertisers who cancelled to return to the station. 2DayFM also cancelled the Christmas party — an understandable move to attempt to claw back some favourable PR. Hardly surprising, but there were no TV appearances last night by any 2DayFM staff involved in the “prank”.

©Steve Williams 2012