Category: Movies

Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania – pass the Marvel Baygon

Posted on by SW

I’m not a comic book person, but I like Marvel films. I’ve seen them all. Some are great, most enjoyable, but Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Antman 3 for brevity)? Not so much. I feel like I’d seen it all before. 

The search for skanky Blu-Tack and a plot continues

With the phases, multiverses, timelines, character arcs, variants etc etc, it’s really getting to the point you need a Masters of Engineering to follow exactly WTAF is going on in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If only it was still just the one.

I really like Paul Rudd, I thoroughly enjoy his work. Nobody brandishes a bottle of Sex Panther cologne and lip syncs Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” quite like him. The first Ant-Man worked as it was a fish out of water story… an everyman thrown into an incredible situation… and nobody does everyman like Paul Rudd. It was also very different to every other Marvel film up until then. It carved its own niche. The second Ant-Man film was a bit silly… with added Wasp, now this third one is just bogged in the MCU bloated blancmange. 

Ant-Man 3 seemed like it was MacGyvered together with some old ratty coloured cellophane and a bit of skanky Blu-Tack found in the bottom of a drawer. It was as though something horrible had happened to Paul Rudd just after shooting started and they had to bodgy up the rest of it with random bits of stuff. Including that Michelle Pfeiffer’s character Janet didn’t previously let on there’s actually a teeny-tiny Wakanda-style city thing in the quantum realm. Bizarre.                            

The cast including Rudd, Pfeiffer, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Kathryn Newton (let’s not talk about Bill Murray) and new baddie Jonathan Majors as the work-experience Thanos who has leaving                             major pauses                           between                                 his lines down to an                       art form all did their best… participation medals all round… but it was just missing something.  

As they all were fumbling around down in the quantum realm searching for that thing, finding it, losing it and finding it again, they should have been looking for a cohesive plot and what made Ant-Man 1 work.

The fact that the majority of the action takes place in CGI Land made it all rather same-old same-old. Imagine if the entire 1971 Willy Wonka film was set in the Chocolate Room. At least that had a chocolate river and the annoying fat kid getting his comeuppance (literally). I’m ignoring the current BS wokeification of Roald Dahl.

I mentioned earlier I felt I’d seen it all before? It was kind of like Taika Waititi passed on directing Ant-Man 3, but they “borrowed”/paid homage to various scenes from Thor: Ragnarok without the coolness and humour that actually worked.

Just like most Marvel films, you know exactly what’s going to happen, the plots aren’t exactly complex, which is fine, they are superhero films after all, but at least you can usually relate to the characters on their quest. This one? Didn’t really care. They could all still be stuck down there aimlessly meandering around searching for that thing and a plot, while I was having a nice cup of tea at home.

An example… that stupid M.O.D.O.K. head thing played by the bloke from House of Cards with T-Rex baby arms, banging on about not being a dick? It was all rather dick-like.

Sorry Paul. Maybe I’m just Marveled-out. Hopefully it’ll get good again in phase 37.

©Steve Williams 2023

“The Force Awakenzzzzzzzzzzzzz” Mania Is Sending Me To Sleep

Posted on by SW

So Star Wars: The Force Awakens will be released in the coming days and the world
has lost its collective mind.

Darth Vader demonstrates how to kill people with a thought.

The insanity surrounding The Force Awakens started back in October when the trailer was released, and then reached tsunami proportions when Harrison Ford appeared on every possible Australian TV program and in the flesh at the Sydney Opera House. “I’m sure Harrison will notice me if I wear my Han Solo costume.” There were a couple of blokes dressed as Indiana Jones, who would have drawn death stares from the Jar Jar Binks types. That’s the insidious power of ‘Star Wars’ — I’ve never seen a film, but I know the bloody characters.

Ford always seems to be fairly bemused by the whole Star Wars thing and the legions of fans, which was evident during his interview with (self-confessed fan) Leigh Sales. Sure, Star Wars was his meal ticket and propelled his career at warp-factor speed (I know, wrong sci-fi term), but Ford often uses the words “work” and “a job” to describe his time seated next to his hirsute co-pilot.

The first Star Wars film was released a long time ago in a year far, far away: 1977. The same year as Queen Elizabeth’s Silver Jubilee, and the Bee Gees released the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. No doubt hardcore Star Wars types have drawn some form of nerdish, non-existent, vortex-time-space-continuum-parallels between all three.

I was a young kid in 1977 and didn’t buckle to peer and advertising pressure to get on board the (Harrison Ford leg-fracturing) Millennium Falcon (see, I know that much). I was more interested in chasing girls, kicking a footy and playing cricket in the backyard than playing with Luke Skywalker figurines. Back then, being a smart arse, too-cool-for-school type of kid, I refused to see the film everyone was talking about. Thirty eight years later, nothing has changed. Each to their own.

Although, I’d much rather read about these hardcore Star Wars fans (have I used the word ‘geeks’ yet?) shooting each other in imaginary interplanetary battles at Star Wars conventions than psycho-terrorists on the streets of Paris doing the real thing, or a would be American President shooting his mouth off. Again.

The ribs and spine assist in expanding buy cheap levitra the lungs with air. By treating this hypertensive disorder women viagra online from the root of it. They promise you the best way of enjoying an erectile dysfunction treatment! With the recent statistic report, it has been seen that not many are truly concerned about the issue and viagra in usa are really very stressed due to it. While both substances work according to the usa cheap viagra same principles, there are certain differences. Another issue I have with the whole Star Wars palaver is the concept of the money-grubbing prequel. Not a fan. They squeeze all the narrative and cash out of the several thousand sequels, and then Trevor pipes up with “I know! How about a prequel or twelve?” Sequels and prequels should be banned by the UN.

Let’s just hope reality TV shows don’t catch on. Imagine a Kardashian prequel — the pre-school years. It probably wouldn’t work because it would be before the days of selfies, belfies and lip fillers, but if you steal my idea Momager Kris Jenner, I want a cut.

I have to say my all-time favourite Star Wars scene is a stand up comedy bit by Eddie Izzard which some genius set to stop-motion Lego. The scene is set in the Death Star canteen and features the immortal line from that asthmatic bloke in black: “It’s not a game of who the f*ck are you.” The wickedly ingenious concept of killing people with trays and/or thoughts and a penne arrabiata shout out is brilliant.

If all the dialogue in the Star Wars films was as good, Eddie Izzard played every character and they were created in Lego, I’d be a lightsaber-wielding fan-boi.

As is, I’d rather be sleeping.

©Steve Williams 2016

*This piece also appeared in The Huffington Post Australia:
‘The Force Awakenzzzzzzzzzzzzz’ Mania Is Sending Me To Sleep

FFS World, It’s Zoolander, Lighten Up

Posted on by SW

Sadly, I have suspected for quite a few years that the world has entirely lost its sense of humour, and it was confirmed this week.

An apparent non-non-binary Benedict Cumberbatch

I was reading one of the furious flood of online news articles screaming in outrage about a scene in the new Zoolander 2 movie.

No, correct that, a scene in the trailer of the new Zoolander 2 movie. So people are taking umbrage at a movie that hasn’t even been released yet.

FFS world, lighten up.

Apparently some (and our emphasise some) of our LGBT friends and outraged kindred spirits supposedly acting on their behalf are frothing at the mouth that the new film is sexist and transphobic. Really? The pitchforks and flaming torches are being aimed at a ten second scene involving Benedict Cumberbatch playing an apparent androgynous-looking model being asked if he has a hot dog or a bun.

That’s it. You’re losing your mind and clambering to the moral high ground over that? Seriously?

In another article, some earnest and no doubt well-meaning type was rabbiting on that a non-binary model should have been cast to play the Cumberbatch role. I have no idea what “non-binary” means. Is it algebra? (I was probably in the sick bay feigning death when they taught that bit at school)

It becomes purely in the hands of the common people. tadalafil in india It might be purchase of levitra explained in a way that there are presences of the harmful cancerous cells that get circulated across this gland marking the significance of this truth was mentioned in1924 when Dr. It helps in preparing students who are new to driving for the upcoming written exam and discount price viagra frankkrauseautomotive.com road test. In the case of female infertility, since the causes are many, it is always better to see a spebuy levitra from canada t or other health proficient for conclusion. As I said, all this is over a ten second scene in a movie nobody has seen. The Champagne corks would be popping in the Paramount Pictures marketing towers thanks to the gazillion dollars in free publicity. There are even petitions to ban the film. Now that’s hilarious.

It’s been a fairly shit year. The heartbreaking plight of refugees fleeing the Middle East and Africa resulting in dead children washing up on beaches, commercial planes being blown out of the sky, ISIS goons throwing people off buildings because of their sexual preference, a Sydney police accountant being shot in the back of the head by a fifteen year old as he left work, not to mention the recent events in Paris that killed 130 people whose only crime was going out on a Friday night.

We could do with a laugh. If Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Benedict Cumberbatch can provide a few in a light comedy, offending a few easily-offended in the process, then so be it.

As a kid, I was brought up on a healthy diet of comedy — English imports like Monty Python, Dave Allen, The Goon Show, Fawlty Towers, Derek and Clive, and brilliant Australian productions including The Naked Vicar Show, Paul Hogan, Blankety Blanks, The D-Generation, Doug Mulray, Andrew Denton etc, etc. Yes a lot of it was crass, immature, challenging, totally politically incorrect and simultaneously f*cking hilarious. Maybe they have all affected my moral compass Bermuda Triangle style, but I doubt it.

What happened? When did we lose our sense of humour? When was a jihad waged on satire and comedy?

Today people want to be outraged. They want to be angry and vent on Twitter and Facebook and violently hammer the keyboard creating cranky online petitions.

All of this is totally fine. You just need to make sure you’re angry and outraged over the important stuff, not a ten second bit in a movie trailer.

©Steve Williams 2015