Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania – pass the Marvel Baygon

I’m not a comic book person, but I like Marvel films. I’ve seen them all. Some are great, most enjoyable, but Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Antman 3 for brevity)? Not so much. I feel like I’d seen it all before. 

The search for skanky Blu-Tack and a plot continues

With the phases, multiverses, timelines, character arcs, variants etc etc, it’s really getting to the point you need a Masters of Engineering to follow exactly WTAF is going on in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If only it was still just the one.

I really like Paul Rudd, I thoroughly enjoy his work. Nobody brandishes a bottle of Sex Panther cologne and lip syncs Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” quite like him. The first Ant-Man worked as it was a fish out of water story… an everyman thrown into an incredible situation… and nobody does everyman like Paul Rudd. It was also very different to every other Marvel film up until then. It carved its own niche. The second Ant-Man film was a bit silly… with added Wasp, now this third one is just bogged in the MCU bloated blancmange. 

Ant-Man 3 seemed like it was MacGyvered together with some old ratty coloured cellophane and a bit of skanky Blu-Tack found in the bottom of a drawer. It was as though something horrible had happened to Paul Rudd just after shooting started and they had to bodgy up the rest of it with random bits of stuff. Including that Michelle Pfeiffer’s character Janet didn’t previously let on there’s actually a teeny-tiny Wakanda-style city thing in the quantum realm. Bizarre.                            

The cast including Rudd, Pfeiffer, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Kathryn Newton (let’s not talk about Bill Murray) and new baddie Jonathan Majors as the work-experience Thanos who has leaving                             major pauses                           between                                 his lines down to an                       art form all did their best… participation medals all round… but it was just missing something.  

As they all were fumbling around down in the quantum realm searching for that thing, finding it, losing it and finding it again, they should have been looking for a cohesive plot and what made Ant-Man 1 work.

The fact that the majority of the action takes place in CGI Land made it all rather same-old same-old. Imagine if the entire 1971 Willy Wonka film was set in the Chocolate Room. At least that had a chocolate river and the annoying fat kid getting his comeuppance (literally). I’m ignoring the current BS wokeification of Roald Dahl.

I mentioned earlier I felt I’d seen it all before? It was kind of like Taika Waititi passed on directing Ant-Man 3, but they “borrowed”/paid homage to various scenes from Thor: Ragnarok without the coolness and humour that actually worked.

Just like most Marvel films, you know exactly what’s going to happen, the plots aren’t exactly complex, which is fine, they are superhero films after all, but at least you can usually relate to the characters on their quest. This one? Didn’t really care. They could all still be stuck down there aimlessly meandering around searching for that thing and a plot, while I was having a nice cup of tea at home.

An example… that stupid M.O.D.O.K. head thing played by the bloke from House of Cards with T-Rex baby arms, banging on about not being a dick? It was all rather dick-like.

Sorry Paul. Maybe I’m just Marveled-out. Hopefully it’ll get good again in phase 37.

©Steve Williams 2023

A bathroom sponge, a Rubik’s Cube and Dolly

Restaurant review: An unnamed restaurant, Berlin, Germany.

We should have listened to Public Enemy and not believed it.

Dolly offered more flavour in the taxi on our way back to the hotel

This place was not only talked up bigtime by all the usual travel-advice-dispensing suspects,
but also the normally fairly trustworthy New York Times 36 Hours.

The decor is a Trump-esque orange. It was packed.
A short wait, then seated next to a Scandinavian family featuring an emo teenager…
picture a pissed-off, possibly self-harming version of the lead singer of A-ha, annoyingly clicking a Rubik’s Cube.

The menu consisted of about three offerings, the daily specials board about two.
Alarm bells should have sounded when the menu didn’t appear on the website.

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What. The. Serious. Fuck.

My wife ordered a chicken Phở featuring dejected, arid pieces of chicken and a distinct lack of herbs, and taste, but an over compensation of a collective noun of shallots.

As a non-meat-but-seafood-eating type, I had roughly one choice, a tofu vegetable rice thing,
that when doused in chili to give it some semblance of flavour, morphed into the consistency of Perkin’s Paste that I used to glue things together in primary school. The Rubik’s Cube sized pieces of tofu were being eyed rather amorously by neighbouring Take On Me emo boy. Though with the consistency of an overworked bathroom sponge, even he would have had trouble clicking them.

The only saving grace was Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” in the taxi on the way back to the hotel.
The lyrics “Your smile is like a breath of spring / Your voice is soft like summer rain” infinitely more flavoursome than the meal.

Don’t.

©Steve Williams 2017

*This review also appears in the highly entertaining Brothtaking.

Why I won’t be going a Waltzing Matilda with the Apple Watch

Yep, the Apple Watch looks stunning and the technology is impressive, but I’ll pass.*

Apple Watch 2.0 :  iSundial

I’ve owned quite a few watches over the years, including an “unreal” Casio copy digital watch when I was kid. This hifalutin’ horological appliance played Waltzing Matilda (for un-Australian readers, this song is about a suicidal sheep stealer that should be Australia’s national anthem, as it doesn’t contain the word “girt”).

But I digress.

I wouldn’t call myself a hardcore Apple fanboy — I haven’t felt the need to break out the sleeping bag and queue up for a new product — but I have been picking Apple products for years.

Why? A) They just work. B) They look good.

My very first Apple was the Macintosh SE back in the day, which to be honest was fairly fugly and it was a bloody heavy thing. Since then iPhones, iPads, iMac, and MacBook. Love ’em.

The Apple Watch? Yeah, nah. I don’t really see the point. I know it does stuff… but not enough to make me want to buy it. My iPhone does everything (and more) than I need.
Sure, call me iLuddite.
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A good thing you can monitor your blood pressure, with the top of the range Apple Watch costing several gazillion dollars, you’d need it.

Do I want to give someone a “digital poke”? No. That’s called assault.

Do I want to share my heart rate by sending it to another Apple Watch wearer? No.

Do I want to pay for things or open a door with my watch? No, I’m actually good.

Do I want to look like a Dick (Tracy) talking into my wrist? No.

*Disclaimer: If there’s an app to stuff a jolly jumbuck into my tucker bag Waltzing Matilda style
I could be convinced…

©Steve Williams 2015

Queen – Thirty Years : Sydney to Munich

Thirty years is a long time between fandangos.

Adam Lambert worships at the Church of May (photo: mlk.com)

The last time I saw Queen was 1985 in Sydney on the Australian leg of The Works tour.

I had followed their journey since my first purchase of a single — Bohemian Rhapsody in 1975, which still occupies the rockstar position in my record collection.

1985 seems like a lifetime ago, I was a fresh-faced twenty-year-old, but I remember the concert as though it was yesterday. “Spectacular” is merely one adjective.

Queen + Adam Lambert in Munich last Monday night was always going to be a different experience — Freddie Mercury’s absence, and John Deacon’s retirement from the band.

I was no stranger to Adam Lambert, having followed his 2009 American Idol journey, singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the audition, culminating in a performance with Brian May and Roger Taylor.

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Lambert is no Freddie Mercury impersonator. A talented performer in his own right, possessing a rather insane vocal range and wonderful showmanship, he brought another dimension to the night.

It wasn’t Queen Karaoke — Lambert’s unique phrasing added another layer to the songs ingrained in music history. He brought a sense of playfulness — performing Killer Queen reclining on a chaise lounge, his powerful, arena-filling voice nailed Save Me and Who Wants to Live Forever, and he gave Queen’s time-honoured classics their due respect.

This wasn’t the Adam Lambert Show, he was the “plus” — it was all about Queen — Brian May and Roger Taylor were at the top of their game, enjoying performing to Queen fans and the new mix of “Glamberts” — deliciously indulgent solos demonstrating their extraordinary talent. The cliché “rock royalty” more than applies.

May mentioned recording in Munich — indeed,  One Vision (and the music video), Crazy Little Thing Called LoveAnother One Bites The Dust and Save Me among others were all recorded at Munich’s famed Musicland Studios.

Concert standouts? Hard to isolate one, but Freddie Mercury’s “duet” with Lambert on Bohemian Rhapsody had me back in 1985. Somewhat bizarrely, another of my favourite moments (or twenty two and a half minutes) was the background music playing before the band took the stage.
I always love that time — the audience is in place, the anticipation is building — everything is set. The piece of music was Queen’s atmospheric instrumental Track 13 off the Made in Heaven album.

It will be interesting to see how the fusion of Queen + Adam Lambert plays out.

Watch this space…

©Steve Williams 2015