They say cricket is a funny old game, more like fucking hilarious.
Just three years after Australian cricket captain Steve Smith resigned in a flood of tears and sandpaper, last Friday Tim Paine tucked the bat under his arm and quit as captain over a dick pic. You couldn’t make this shit up. If only Tim had been wearing a protector.
Paine resigned over sexting a former colleague, a Cricket Tasmania employee… there were “lewd messages” and an unsolicited dick pic. As usual these sports “stars” think they can do anything and get away with it. When I first heard about this, l assumed it had just happened, but no, the piccing of said dick occurred in 2017 and by all accounts went straight through to the keeper.
Take it away Tim, “At the time” Paine said during his resignation press conference, “the exchange was the subject of a thorough Cricket Australia Integrity Unit investigation, throughout which I fully participated in and openly participated in. That investigation and a Cricket Tasmania HR investigation at the same time found that there had been no breach of the Cricket Australia Code of Conduct.”
So you take a photo of your middle stump, send it to a colleague and it’s fine?
“Integrity Unit” LOL. What the actual fuck do you have to do to breach the Code of Conduct? How about bringing the game into disrepute for a vague start?
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Right on cue, Shane Warne came off the long run in defence of Paine, but with Warnie’s runs on the scandal board, he may not be the best person for a character reference.
Cricket Tasmania also padded up in support of Tim the Tool Man, slamming Cricket Australia for their treatment of Paine, likening it to that of Bill Lawry, who was dumped as captain of the Australian cricket team during the 1970-71 Ashes series. From memory and I could be wrong, but I don’t recall Bill attempting to bowl a maiden over with a dick pic.
Has anyone asked how Scott Morrison is? The Australian Prime Minister is a self-confessed cricket tragic (during cricket season and when there’s a beer and camera around him) and must be taking this very hard. As it were.
With an Ashes series about to commence, England’s Barmy Army will be absolutely Stoked with all of this, there are so many words that rhyme with “dick”, their songs will write themselves.
©Steve Williams 2021
