What the f*ck is going on?
A Sydney school has banned clapping. No I did not make that up. Banning semi-automatic weapons, knuckledusters and even access to Kim Kardashian’s Snapchat I can understand,
but clapping?
In a newsletter sent home / emailed to parents, the good burghers of Elanora Heights Public School advised that clapping has been banned at assemblies “to respect members of our school community who are sensitive to noise.” Hate to break it to you people, but having spent quite a bit of time in school playgrounds in my much younger years, they are somewhat noisy places. Whoever clapped at assemblies anyway?
As an an alternative for the acoustically-affected, the school suggests students “pull excited faces, and wriggle about on the spot” as part of their “silent cheers”. Yes, really.
I think there is something in this, the board of the Sydney Opera House should implement this concept immediately. Picture yourself at the conclusion of a wonderful performance of La Bohème. Instead of the usual thunderous ovation, the audience wriggle about and pull excited faces.
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That reminds me of the John Lennon line as the Beatles played at a Royal Command Performance, “The people in the cheaper seats, clap your hands… and the rest of you, if you’d just rattle your jewellery.” Today, somebody with a jewellery phobia would complain.
The Olympic Games in Rio could take this wriggling about etc onboard as well. It might take people’s minds off the Zika virus.
This is not the first time that clapping has been kiboshed. Attendees at a UK student feminist conference last year were asked to stop clapping “but do feminist jazz hands” as “clapping triggers anxiety”. I suppose it does if you don’t receive any. I have no idea how “feminist jazz hands” differ from the garden-variety type.
It is all just so ridiculous. These are more examples of victories for the no-fun, no-offence, no-winners, cotton-wool-encasing, high-vis-wearing nanny-state-nannas.
I do however agree that some sounds should be banned… bastard leaf blowers, recorders, not to mention the music of Kanye West.
©Steve Williams 2016