To celebrate Australia Day, one gazillion rainforests have been slaughtered creating weighty tomes of “what it means to be Australian”. Bugger that.
As a Wattle-waving Aussie, I reckon you’re unAustralian if…
*You don’t use “yeah, no” regularly in a sentence.
*You know the mysterious second verse of the Australian national anthem.
*You don’t return from a Bali holiday wearing a Bintang beer singlet and / or braided hair.
*You use the word “sheila”.
*You don’t know what Wattle is.
*You think Australian cricket captain Michael Clarke is still some “up himself wanker” (even though he has scored about 7,003 runs this season and won test, one day and backyard matches).
*You don’t know what “wanker” means.
*You don’t drown your meat pie in tomato sauce.
*You don’t eat meat pies.
*You prefer a Sauvignon Blanc with a melon and ripe gooseberry nose to a stubbie you’ve opened with your eye socket.
*You don’t know what a stubbie is.
*You don’t think Kylie is bunging on that pommie accent.
*You don’t know what “bunging on” means.
*You drink Foster’s beer.
*You call a “prawn” anything other than a “prawn”.
*You’ve never had a bindi stuck in your foot (not the Indian forehead decoration or Steve Irwin’s daughter).
*You like the song I Still Call Australia Home even with Peter Allen bunging on that crap American accent.
*You prefer to sit on the grass at the beach rather than the sand.
*You take a soccer ball to the beach.
*You call a soccer ball a “football”.
*You respond when some bogan chants “Aussie!, Aussie!, Aussie!…”.
*You don’t know what a “bogan” is.
*You don’t think the lead singer of AC/DC is still “the new bloke”.
*You don’t return from overseas bitching about how everything is better / cheaper / tastier / bigger / less crowded / less smelly / less foreign than here at home.
*You actually enjoyed the movie Australia.
Words and image ©Steve Williams 2013