Dear people of the worId. We are facing many untold problems that impact every one of us — poverty at unprecedented levels, rampant dictators running amok committing genocide, the ongoing economic crisis in Europe — that’s why I would like to write about leaf blowers. Seriously, whoever invented this satanic apparatus should be taken out and shot at dawn (without a blindfold). I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but as I understand it, the premise of the leaf blower is to remove leaves / crap from the front of your house / building to that of the neighbouring premises — i.e. anywhere away from yours. Brilliant. What a selfish concept. The same principle should be applied to toilets. That would be fun. I believe leaf blowers also have a “suck” capability. I have no issue with this, if it was ever used. Then there is the noise. Do they have to so be f’ing loud? The other day I endured two of these things trying to out-duel each other Deliverance-esque. Last time I looked it was 2012 — boffins have burst out of the shed brandishing spray on skin for burns victims, NASA is about to land a craft on Mars — surely a silent leaf blower can’t be that hard. There has to be a Nobel Peace Prize in it. They’d get my vote. Thank you.
Words ©Steve Williams 2012