Tag: Kanye West

Musk ticks, three stripes and Ye’s out, RIP Her Maj and lions on the loose…

Posted on by SW

Since my last serving of steaming randomswill back in the year 1627, quite a bit has happened.

In no particular order…

Note the protestor glued to the side

Elon Musk bought Twitter and the world lost its mind. I enjoyed Stephen King negotiating with Musk on Twitter about the cost of a verified blue tick. He didn’t even need to send in Carrie or Cujo. Martina Navratilova served an ace straight down the middle with her reply to Musk that she didn’t ask for the blue tick, she won’t pay for it and her “peeps” know who she is.

Queen Elizabeth II died. (I’m not a fan of the softer “passed away” “or we lost…” Where? down the back of the lounge? Or worse, “crossed the rainbow bridge”. She died.) But I digress. I’m a staunch Australian republican and believe it’s high time the apron strings were severed and Australia finally had our own head of state. It’s ludicrous that in 2022 Australia’s head of state is a non-elected English person who just happened to have the brilliant luck (though not according to a certain Harry of California) of being born into the right family in a certain sibling order. Having said that, I admire the Queen’s amazing devotion to duty. Some of these snowflakes who want to WFH forever could take a leaf out of Her Majesty’s gilt-edged book.

To Kanye West or Ye or whatever he is calling himself today. Bravo to Adidas and the other companies who have dropped him quicker than he could make another appalling antisimetic remark. Three stripes and he’s out. I loved Stephen Colbert’s line about West’s Yeezy shoes looking like someone put a pair of Crocs in the microwave.

The UK is an absolute clusterfuck. Enough said.

Five lions had a Born Free moment after escaping from their enclosure at Sydney’s Taronga Zoo… into another enclosure. It seemed the media desperately wanted them to be prowling down nearby Military Road devouring Mozman-dahlings as they climbed into their Range Rovers with their half skim decaf soy macchiato made from Peruvian numbat milk. Didn’t happen. Somebody said on Twitter the lions saw the dire state of the Sydney property rental market and scarpered back to their enclosure, locking the gate behind them.

People are gluing themselves to things. Apparently this is to bring attention to climate change and the impact of fossil fuels. These are obviously very noble causes and ones that are vitally important to the future of the planet, but I’m not sure if gluing yourself to a road inconveniencing people trying to get to work, or more importantly urgently trying to get to a hospital, or gluing yourself to a priceless artwork is a great way to gain positive traction for your cause. I suggest these morons glue themselves to one of the aforementioned Elon Musk’s SpaceX rockets. That would deserve a tick.

©Steve Williams 2022

Kanye for President? Vote 1 the brain-eating amoeba

Posted on by SW

So I woke up to the news that Kanye West is running for President. Again.

President Ye dressed as the Statue of Liberty at his inauguration

In these COVID-19 infused times, when reality is satire and satire is reality, I don’t know if this is actually happening. It could be, or not. It is more likely to be a severe case of ,”Nobody has uttered my name in five seconds”, but I’ll stand corrected when President Ye quotes his lyrics at his inauguration address.

“A monster about to come alive again / Soon as I pull up and park the Benz / We get this bitch shaking like Parkinson’s.”

Make America convulse again. I can see the caps now.

I also woke up to the news a case of a rare, brain-destroying amoeba has been confirmed in Florida. I’m sure there’s a link to the above. Sadly, I didn’t have a rare, brain-destroying amoeba, or a global pandemic on my 2020 bingo card. I did have murder hornets, flesh-eating bacteria, the President advising we all should inject bleach and Nick Kyrgios being the voice of COVID-19 reason.

What would a West / Ye / Yeezus / Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West / Yeezy / I’m sure I’ve left out other stupid names / presidency look like? The mind boggles. Though it couldn’t be any more of a fucking shitshow than the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.

It would be a first to have the First Lady most famous for starring in a sex tape, unless there’s something Martha Washington hasn’t told us. Speaking of NW, it would also be a first to have the First Children (I assume that’s a thing), named after compass directions and a bit of the bible.

I’ll conclude with another quote from President Ye’s inauguration address, which makes as much sense as anything his orange predecessor said.

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“They say ‘build your own,’ I said, ‘How Sway?’ / I said ‘slavery a choice,’ they say, ‘How, Ye? / Just imagine if they caught me on a wild day.”

SAXOPHONE / BLACK PANTHER / MARK OF THE BEAST UPDATE

Wannabe President Nutjob Ye gave some hilariously rambling interviews yesterday that produced such gems as…

“One of the main reasons I wore the red hat as a protest to the segregation of votes in the Black community. Also, other than the fact that I like Trump hotels and the saxophones in the lobby.”

“I’m gonna use the framework of Wakanda (yes, the fictional country in Black Panther) right now because it’s the best explanation of what our design group is going to feel like in the White House.”

The piece of resistance: “It’s so many of our children that are being vaccinated and paralyzed… So when they say the way we’re going to fix Covid is with a vaccine, I’m extremely cautious. That’s the mark of the beast. They want to put chips inside of us, they want to do all kinds of things, to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven.” I think he means salt and vinegar chips.

There was more, so much more, but I just can’t. The brain-eating amoeba is looking really good.

©Steve Williams 2020

If you’re happy and you know it FFS don’t clap

Posted on by SW

What the f*ck is going on?

You’ll be on detention for that

A Sydney school has banned clapping. No I did not make that up. Banning semi-automatic weapons, knuckledusters and even access to Kim Kardashian’s Snapchat I can understand,
but clapping?

In a newsletter sent home / emailed to parents, the good burghers of Elanora Heights Public School advised that clapping has been banned at assemblies “to respect members of our school community who are sensitive to noise.” Hate to break it to you people, but having spent quite a bit of time in school playgrounds in my much younger years, they are somewhat noisy places. Whoever clapped at assemblies anyway?

As an an alternative for the acoustically-affected, the school suggests students “pull excited faces, and wriggle about on the spot” as part of their “silent cheers”. Yes, really.

I think there is something in this, the board of the Sydney Opera House should implement this concept immediately. Picture yourself at the conclusion of a wonderful performance of La Bohème. Instead of the usual thunderous ovation, the audience wriggle about and pull excited faces.
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That reminds me of the John Lennon line as the Beatles played at a Royal Command Performance, “The people in the cheaper seats, clap your hands… and the rest of you, if you’d just rattle your jewellery.” Today, somebody with a jewellery phobia would complain.

The Olympic Games in Rio could take this wriggling about etc onboard as well. It might take people’s minds off the Zika virus.

This is not the first time that clapping has been kiboshed. Attendees at a UK student feminist conference last year were asked to stop clapping “but do feminist jazz hands” as “clapping triggers anxiety”. I suppose it does if you don’t receive any. I have no idea how “feminist jazz hands” differ from the garden-variety type.

It is all just so ridiculous. These are more examples of victories for the no-fun, no-offence, no-winners, cotton-wool-encasing, high-vis-wearing nanny-state-nannas.

I do however agree that some sounds should be banned… bastard leaf blowers, recorders, not to mention the music of Kanye West.

©Steve Williams 2016