So the other day I bought a packet of chips (or crisps depending on what hemisphere you are in). Earth-shattering news indeed, but I was quite perturbed — nay, outraged – that it was only, at best, three quarters full.
This evil act of bastardry isn’t confined to chips / crisps — extensive research (a very cursory glance around the stupid market) revealed many items — primarily in the sugar confectionary aisle, guilty as charged. Why are we paying for air? I would understand that concept if one was to sashay into one of those placebonic Oxygen Bars — which I think were so 2008 — but from memory, pathetically-not-even-attempting-to-be-full packets of sliced fried potatoes weren’t part of their raison d’être (apologies — I’ve always wanted to use that in a sentence — and also oeuvre*). I know things in general seem to shrink as age advances — words, numbers, pant, tolerance, unmentionables — but I believe this chip conspiracy is an affront to society. I also believe a class action lawsuit should be lodged immediately, preferably by one of those law firms that advertises on TV at 3.12am, between infomercials for a plethora of “fitness” products including the not dubious at all Shake Weight, the hilarious and no doubt extremely effective Hawaii Chair and other destined-to-be-landfill products, that swear blindly couch potatoes can morph into Hugh Jackman by sitting on their fat arses stuffing their corpulent faces full of said chips / crisps. You in?
©Steve Williams 2012