Christmas gifts that keep on giving (and other clichés*)

Left your Christmas shopping until the last minute? You slack bastard. Can’t think of what to get your annoying little nephew Trevor? (No, forget him, he’s a little shit.) Thank your invisible sky dweller of choice I’m here.

You won’t have to endure that stopping-at-the-bottom-of-shopping mall-escalators mass of humanity, and endless Christmas carols so bad you want to perforate your eardrum with a chicken skewer.

You’ll think all your Christmases have come at once with www.skymall.com – a vertiable one stop shop for all your Christmas needs.*

Always wanted a t-shirt that smells like bacon? Of course you have. Just stay away from rabid dogs.

Dress like a pig
Dress like a pig

Can’t say I’ve ever been tempted by time, whether Gothic, sexy, and / or crouching.
That definitely won’t change with The Gothic Temptress Calendar. Note the leather and S&M chains. Classy. Imagine having a meeting with some bloke with this on his desk. You would be tempted to ask if his views on women are still stuck in 1427.

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Tempted? Er, no
Tempted? Er, no

I know what you’re thinking: “I wish some artisan would craft a bespoke Bigfoot Tree Yeti Sculpture.” All that kneeling at the foot of your bed worked…

Chewbacca and Abe Lincoln's lovechild
Chewbacca and Abe Lincoln’s lovechild

Now, the piece of resistance. I give you The Zombie of Montclaire Moors as discussed on various late night TV shows. I assume the plan is you stick old mate in the ground next to your magnificent Double Delight roses and scare the bejesus out of young kiddies and get blank looks and eye rolls from adults. Go on, you know you want to, you always were the “wacky and zany” one.

Zombie Holocompost meets Lawn of the Dead
Zombie Holocompost meets Lawn of the Dead

Go and sleigh him, Santa.

©Steve Williams 2014

Hey radio 2UE, 1954 just called … And they want their culturally inappropriate advertisement back

OK, so we’ve fallen for the stunt, but 2UE still needs to be called out for it.

The Sydney Morning Herald ran an ad in today’s racing section “The Form” promoting the radio station’s sports program with the headline, “Another reason to let her go shopping this weekend”.

Seriously, where do you start with this thing? Obviously a stunt to get people talking about the station and the program, which worked, but will it gain them listeners?

You can imagine the creative workshop / think tank / pow wow – “We need to come up with something that’ll get social media buzzing”.

“Yep, I reckon we cash in on the whole misogyny thing – I dunno, maybe something like women and shopping? You know, inferring that if the little woman goes shopping, her bloke’ll be free to listen in peace, preferably in his shed, with a bottle of KB”.

“You’ve nailed it!”

You can smell the Dencorub from here.

A great moment in advertising

2UE’s General Manager Chris Parker has apologised for the ad, saying, “we appreciate the advertisement has caused concern, and this was certainly not our intention”.

By doing so it cialis viagra for women manages to widen the blood vessels attached to it. The blood vessels cialis canada prescription must be unblocked to pass good amount of blood to organ for their healthy functioning, including male reproductive organ. To attain optimum usefulness, use the medication thirty minutes or maybe 4 hours before performing sexual intercourse. cheap tadalafil 20mg is the exact replica of the branded cialis. If you don’t like it, then you’ve only wasted five hours of your life…well maybe more if you want beautiful skin and beauty from within you will have the chance of selecting the option you want depending on your needs. purchase viagra online With the utmost respect Chris, I call BS on that one. That hoary old chestnut, “any publicity is good publicity” springs to mind.

You would have thought 2UE would have had more sense than going for a cheap shot like this, considering the dramas its mortal enemy 2GB has been embroiled in – think “chaff bag” and “shame” and so on.

Also, the latest radio ratings came out this week, and to borrow from the racing vernacular, it was 2GB first by a good length, 702 ABC up there as well, with 2UE almost bringing up the rear.

The ad was an interesting attempt to try and claw back some of that dead air between them.

There’ll be the usual cries of overreaction and being requested to “drink a cup of concrete and harden the f*ck up”, but apart from being wrong on pretty much every level, the ad is just disappointing, given what has gone on in the corridors of Parliament House recently. Hasn’t anybody learnt anything?

If 2UE want to continue promoting the station with lumbering dinosaur views like that, maybe it should change the frequency from “954” to “1954”.

©Steve Williams 2013

*To read this in another locale (with bonus amusing comments) wander over to…

http://www.news.com.au/opinion/and-they-want-their-culturally-inappropriate-advertisement-back/story-fnh4jt54-1226675021845