Shock selection for Asylum Seeker Ashes

Australian cricket’s bold recruitment scheme has proved to be a stunning success.

“Boato” talking to potential bat sponsors today (ABC News)

In what is being seen as a snub to the so-called “Centres of Excellence” and “High Performance Managers”, an asylum seeker arrived on Christmas Island dressed as an Australian cricketer.

This is perfect timing for the upcoming Ashes series.

“Boato” as he was named in the traditional beer-soaked nickname ceremony, identified himself as “a fast bowler” as he stepped off the MV Yeah No Wait kitted-out in nautical quality, high-vis Australian one day cricket gear.

Sources confirm that in gruelling net sessions (strung up fishing nets) on the boat, he was “rather handy” with the delicate late cut, and “not too shabby” with the hoik over cow corner, and managed to obtain reverse swing out of the timber deck when the boat listed badly off Ashmore Reef.
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So “Boato” is in fact an all-rounder, which is very timely due to “Watto” being under the proverbial niggling injury cloud or in Australian cricket parlance, “buggered”.

Boato has embraced Australian cricket wholeheartedly — while numerous balls were being fished out of the Indian Ocean, he was seen engrossed in Ricky Ponting’s book, though it is unknown whether he is #TeamPunter or #TeamPup.

Questions are being asked at the highest level as to how Boato and his teammates got through to the Christmas Island keeper, given the left-elbow-very-high-forward-defensive manoeuvres in stopping the swing bowlers and turning back the tweakers. A source claimed Boato slipped through the cracks as the government has not released guidelines concerning soundbite expressions for all-rounders.

Boato will be rushed into the Australian XI and has already signed up for Dancing With This Stars. His signature range of fishing rods and autobiography Boato – In At The Deep End will be released tomorrow.

UPDATE November 12: “Boato” was not announced in Australia’s squad for the First test.
This is obviously a ruse to confuse England.

©Steve Williams 2013

Not the very worst of election advertising #274

If you live in Australia, you would know there is a federal election on Saturday. If you don’t, you’re a moron and don’t deserve to exercise your democratic right, or left.

One of my favourite bits about the election is the advertising blackout on all electronic media, when the good people of the wide-brown land are finally spared the onslaught of moving images of earnest politicians begging for your vote, while simultaneously dumping a bucket of shit on their opponent/s.

In celebration of, or to mourn the advertising blackout (depending on your masochism pain threshold), here is a clichéd veritable smörgåsbord of random election commercials.

If only all election ads were as good as this one…

I don’t recall Kevin or Tony offering to make me angel hair pasta.

At least they haven’t attempted comedy — I’m still trying to decide if this one is…

Even the #huckchuckfacts hashtag is lame.

Never mind, here’s a patriotic, stirring number from Ukraine…

I like the old baba having a sneaky shot of rocket fuel. You would need it to be an extra in a political commercial.

Speaking of costumes…

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How about special effects?

I realise this was for a school board election, but it’s brilliant. I hope Christopher didn’t have his arse sued off by George Lucas.

The special effects budget for this next one was about $1.26.

Demon sheep! Run! Run for your lives!

Ok, sheep aren’t overtly sexual *insert hackneyed New Zealand line here* but Herman gushes sex appeal…

I hope that’s real. Vladimir has gone the sexy root route as well…

You would vote early and often. Though the piece of resistance is from the Australian Sex Party. Yep, we’re all f*cked…

words ©Steve Williams 2013