Cricket’s old enemies Australia and England faced each other this week at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The home team destroyed England in a 222-run win, completing a clean sweep of the one day series, but nobody gave a flying proverbial.
Only 10,406 hardy souls showed up, a record-low crowd. The MCG can hold ten times that.
Sadly, Australia is cricketed out and it’s only November. The recent snoozefest of the T20 World Cup was evidence of that. Nobody gave a rat’s, apart from the die-hard supporters of India, Pakistan and England.
But fear not, I have the solution to cater for Australian cricket lovers’ gnat-sized attention span.
One day and T20 cricket is dead. Introducing my unique concept: T0.1™. That’s correct, just one ball a side.
Think about it… Steve Smith strides to the crease and smacks the first (and only) ball high into the grandstands. Change of innings… the hapless England batsman tentatively creeps out to the middle, needing a six to tie the game. No pressure. He manages only a pathetic two. AUSTRALIA WINS!!! THE CROWD ERUPTS!!! This is T0.1™.
T.01™ will reignite Australia’s passion for cricket.
The T.01™ World Cup will only go for half an hour, giving you plenty of time to wash the car in the afternoon.
T.01™ will create domestic bliss… no more, “You’re not gunna spend all bloody day watching the bloody cricket are ya?” T.01™ will also be brilliant for climate change, as the games won’t last long enough to need to turn the lights on.
I’m currently pitching the revolutionary T.01™ cricket format to the ICC and yes, I need to tweak some of the finer details, but I believe they’ll be on board. Especially when I unveil my groundbreaking use of holograms, but with real cricket balls.
Picture this… Fred “The Demon” Spofforth unleashing a thunderbolt to Virat Kohli, Patty Cummins steaming in off the long run to W.G. Grace… we’ll recreate Bodyline with The Don bravely facing Harold Larwood, the famous Tied Test… the sky is the absolute f*cking limit.
You heard it here first. T.01™ is the future of cricket.
I already have the tagline: “T.01™ …blink and you’ll miss it.”
©Steve Williams 2022