Meanwhile in Australian politics, the Hon Luke Howarth, Assistant Minister for Community Housing, Homelessness and Community Services was not so honourably attacked this week.
In a radio interview, Howarth appeared to downplay the homelessness crisis in Australia and even suggested the issue needed a “positive spin.” Of course it does. As I am always happy to assist a minister of the Crown, I have come up with a few positive spin talking points for your next media appearance.
Homelessness highlights:
*Back to nature. Ah, the great outdoors… be at one with nature. Communing intimately with Australia’s unique flora and fauna, you have a special relationship that David Attenborough could only dream about. Not to mention getting up close and personal to the Milky Way every night.
*The ultimate open plan office. No distractions from Trevor in the chair at your elbow banging on how epic his weekend was. No having to contribute to the leaving gift of Brian from accounts. No endless, useless meetings, no bullshit talk of synergy and digital transformation.
*Lovers of architecture rejoice! You can admire the intricate cantilever design of a bridge while sleeping under it.
*No more noisy, inconsiderate neighbours with wanky expensive electronic appliances. You don’t have to endure those annoying bastards in the upstairs apartment cranking the subwoofer up to 11.
*Minimalist living. You are the Marie Kondo poster child, the envy of hoarders living among mountains of stuff. You have evaluated your one possession and decided, yes, it brings joy.
*Mortgage and rent-free. What an incredible weight off your shoulders. You never have to navigate a bank’s stupidly complicated customer service hotline ever again. Press 27 for ultimate financial freedom.
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*Your days of being a slave to fashion are over. Create your signature look and own it, with zero f*cks given.
*Soup. By dining at all those soup kitchens, you have become a Master Chef style soup gourmand. Garçon! More de boeuf consommé s’il vous plait!
There you are minister, these suggestions are just as outrageous as your choice of words.
You may believe that homelessness “affects a very, very small percentage of the population,” but to those people it is a very real, devastating existence, there is no “positive spin.”
Nobody should be homeless.
©Steve Williams 2019